So here goes-- Andy has said I should be writing a blog. And I finally gave in. Not because I feel I have so much valuable information for others-- but this is really a means for sorting through things on my own time. It helps to write it down-- and then it will be there for us to all read together as we get older and even more complicated.
My children have been arguing quite a bit lately. Mostly it seems to be Phoebe instigating- and I am remembering how challenging it was to parent Drew through his threes. But was it really this rough? Wow. Maybe because there are two children now who each need to have their feelings validated and their needs met. When it happens I am trying to feel what my body does. Mostly I would feel a clenching in my jaw and sometimes even in my hands almost as if I couldn't bear it any more. (More accurately, I THINK I can not bear it.) All my body tightens and I feel that I have to get rid of it--it is too awful!
Which makes me wonder about first letting go of my resistance to the way things are. How can I make peace with all of who my children are, as they are right now? Can I see into their greater selves, beyond their behaviors? Can I accept that they are simply struggling to meet their own needs and that they will, without a doubt, change their strategies at some point, no matter what I do or don't do? Am I willing to trust that they are capable of loving each other through this?
What if this is exactly what they need to be doing, like bears or wild cats? What if this is their way of learning? Somehow it helps to think that I don't necessarily understand what is going on... that what I label as unwanted (screaming, tears, not getting along) might be okay, might even be natural. I still don't prefer it, but it might help me relax my body some, and then at least not add to what is going on by injecting my tense energy into the mix.
